Budgeting Made Easy

Despite the Marxist tendencies of a handful of “progressive” state senators, the light is beginning to dawn over even the dimmest bulbs that the current Maryland budget and the projected growth in that budget simply can’t be sustained.

There are a lot of ways to go about this but I think we should seriously consider a budgetary technique first put forth by the noted political philosopher P.J. O’Rourke in his magnum opus A Parliament of Whores:

The other secret to balancing the budget is to remember that all tax revenue is the result of holding a gun to somebody’s head. Not paying taxes is against the law. If you don’t pay your taxes, you’ll be fined. If you don’t pay the fine, you’ll be jailed. If you try to escape from jail, you’ll be shot. Thus, I — in my role as citizen and voter — am going to shoot you — in your role as taxpayer and ripe suck — if you don’t pay your share of the national tab. Therefore, every time the government spends money on anything, you have to ask yourself, “Would I kill my kindly, gray-haired mother for this?” In the case of defense spending, the argument is simple: “Come on, Ma, everybody’s in this together. If those Canadian hordes come down over the border, we’ll all be dead meat. Pony up.” In the case of helping cripples, orphans and blind people, the argument is almost as persuasive: “Mother, I know you don’t know these people from Adam, but we’ve got five thousand years of Judeo-Christian-Muslim-Buddhist-Hindu-Confucian-animist-jungle-God morality going on here. Fork over the dough.” But day care doesn’t fly: “You’re paying for the next door neighbor’s baby-sitter, or it’s curtains for you, Mom.”

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