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Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty of All Major Charges: the Slatest Article and Associated Press Quotes That Should Have Been Written

From FauxSlatest (original Slatest at end below):

A Florida jury has found Casey Anthony not guilty of murder in connection with the 2008 death of her two-year-old daughter, Caylee.

The jury, likewise, declined to convict the 25-year-old of aggravated child abuse or aggravated manslaughter.

In addition the jury voted Ms. Anthony “Mother of the Year” and noted approvingly that the duct tape on Caylee’s mouth was particularly color-coordinated with the clothing left on her body.

Jurors did, however, return a guilty verdict on the lowest of the four charges she faced: providing false information to police. Anthony could face up to four years in prison, but as one juror said, “Let’s not sweat the small stuff.”

A second juror said, “Man, I went along with the others on these guilty pleas to try to salvage what I had left of the July 4 weekend; it’s what Caylee would have wanted, poor thing.”

Yet another juror said, if “O.J. was falsely accused, Casey was, like, really falsely accused.”


The Associated Press details the scene inside the courtroom:


After the verdict was read, Casey Anthony hugged her attorney Jose Baez and later mouthed the words “thank you – you were right; jurors can be had; sorry for ever doubting you” to him. Prosecutor Jeff Ashton, meanwhile, shook his head in disbelief. “Who would ever have expected these [jurors] to have convicted her on any counts?”


The expected verdict, immediately qualifying the 12 men and women for “The Guinness Record for Obtuse Jurors,” appears to bring an end to a case that captivated cable news viewers from the moment that the toddler was reported missing three years ago. Caylee’s body was found in the woods six month later, but medical examiners were never able to determine how she died. The defense argued that if the cause of dead could not be determined that the fact that she was dead could not be assumed. The cause of death listed by authorities was a “homicide of undetermined means,” which defense attorneys argued sustained their contention that Caylee was not really dead.


Anthony’s defense lawyers had maintained that even if the girl had drowned and was actually dead, “these things happen when a mother is distracted, thinking about sexual abuse by her father years earlier.”


Prosecutors, meanwhile, argued that Caylee was drugged with chloroform and then suffocated with duct tape by a hard-partying mother who crafted complex lies to hide her crime.


The defense proved that allegation false by not having Caylee testify.


Baez conceded during the trial that his client had told elaborate lies, even inventing a fake father for her daughter, but said that didn’t mean she was a murderer. The defense argued that Anthony was so adept at lying because she had been “trained to lie” as a result of years of sexual abuse at the hands of her father. The nexus between the two types of lies proved “the final lie in the prosecution case,” said one juror.


“They throw enough against the wall and see what sticks,” Baez said of the prosecution’s case during the trial’s closing arguments. “That is what they’re doing … right down to the cause of death.”
The same argument, interestingly enough, was made of the defense’s strategies of putting forth the mother’s alleged computer search for “chlorophyll” and “chloroform” and the father’s alleged sexual assault on Casey. But as one juror said of these events, “You can’t make these things up.”


If Anthony would have been found guilty of first-degree murder, she could have faced the death penalty. In the end, however, she was convicted of only four counts of lying to investigators. She will be sentenced by the judge on Thursday and could receive up to a year in jail for each count of lying, but all agreed that that would be an unparalleled travesty of justice.

At a post-trial champagne celebration, a spokesperson for Jose Baez and his team said simply, “Does it get any better than this?”


Richard E. Vatz, Ph.D.
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Actual Article:

A Florida jury has found Casey Anthony not guilty of murder in connection with the 2008 death of her two-year-old daughter, Caylee.

The jury, likewise, declined to convict the 25-year-old of aggravated child abuse or aggravated manslaughter.

Jurors did, however, return a guilty verdict on the lowest of the four charges she faced: providing false information to police. Anthony faces up to four years in prison.

The Associated Press details the scene inside the courtroom:

After the verdict was read, Casey Anthony hugged her attorney Jose Baez and later mouthed the words “thank you” to him. Prosecutor Jeff Ashton, meanwhile, shook his head in disbelief.

The shocking verdict appears to bring an end to a case that captivated cable news viewers from the moment that the toddler was reported missing three years ago. Caylee’s body was found in the woods six month later, but medical examiners were never able to determine how she died. The cause of death listed by authorities was a “homicide of undetermined means.”

Anthony’s defense lawyers had maintained that the girl drowned accidentally in the family swimming pool and that instead of reporting her death, Anthony “went into a dark corner to pretend as if nothing was wrong.”

Prosecutors, meanwhile, argued that Caylee was drugged with chloroform and then suffocated with duct tape by a hard-partying mother who crafted complex lies to hide her crime.






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